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Loss of your baby before birth

As many as one in four pregnancies miscarries, though the usual figure given is about one in six confirmed pregnancies. A miscarriage is defined as the loss of the foetus before 24 weeks. Most miscarriages happen in the first three months, and for reasons which are not fully understood.

An early miscarriage can be a blighted ovum - something has gone wrong with the fertilised egg and the body does not continue with the pregnancy.  Some other types of miscarriage include:

  • cervical incompetance - this means the cervix doesn't stay closed, and it starts to dilate, while the uterus contracts. The baby is lost before about the 20th week. It is sometimes thought to be a cause of recurrent miscarriage;
  • missed abortion - the pregnancy has ended, but the embryo remains in the uterus. In time it would be expelled without any intervention, although a short minor operation called an 'evacuation of uterus' is often offered;
  • ectopic pregnancy - the pregnancy has developed outside the uterus, usually in the fallopian tube.
  • Some pregnancies also end after termination for abnormality.

Stillbirth

About one baby in every 200 is stillborn (dies in the uterus after 24 weeks).

Some babies die in the uterus, or at birth, but this is very uncommon. This could be because of a serious abnormality that doesn't allow survival. Or, the placenta has stopped functioning well, and the baby lacks oxygen as a result. Often, it's just not known why the baby dies.

Saying goodbye to your baby

With a later miscarriage, or stillbirth, you will give birth to your baby, after a labour and delivery. When it is possible, many parents find it helpful to hold their baby; this acknowledges the depth of grief at the loss of a real little person, who was wanted and who would have been welcomed with love.

You can dress or wrap your baby and care for him or her tenderley. A midwife or doctor can take a picture for you. You may not want to hold your baby straight away, but a sensitive midwife will ask you once or twice if you want to - so many parents later treasure the memory that she will want to make sure you have the chance to say yes.

Ask the hospital what arrangements can be made for a funeral, or you can arrange your own. The hospital chaplain can be a good source of support, whether or not you are religious.

Your midwife or doctor may ask your permission to carry out a post-mortem examination on your baby.  This may help give information about why your baby died. A post-mortem is always done sensitively, and you will hardly notice any effects of it when you next see your baby.

People may tend to think about the mother most after a miscarriage or a stillbirth, but the father may need support too.  Your partner may also be the main link between you and the health professionals, which can be very stressful.

When you just don't know why: the majority of miscarriages happen without there being a clear explanation why they occurred.  We know that early miscarriages - before 12 weeks of pregnancy - are usually the result of the pregnancy not developing correctly.  There was something wrong, and nature decided not to proceed...but that's as far as the explanation goes.  Nothing you could have done could have prevented the miscarriage. Your doctor, or midwife, may be able to give you some reassurance on this, and also assess your chances of this happening again.

Some mothers may be able to have chromosome tests done on the tissue passed, and this may help explain the miscarriage, and help plan for a future pregnancy. Ask if this might help you.